The DON'TS of Dating During Divorce

Far be it from your attorney to tell you how to conduct yourself during your divorce. After all it is your life, right? It’s your counsel fees, right? One of the biggest reasons that the cost of divorce seems out of control is that the parties themselves cannot stay on track and their emotions often veer them off the right path. Litigants are good people who happen to be going through probably the worst time in their life. So in most instances they get a pass; but it is often an expensive one. Not many come out of divorce unscathed in some way whether emotionally or financially, but there are ways to minimize the damage. The number one escalator which I consider the biggest cause of emotional surges during a divorce is the presence of a new girlfriend/boyfriend. The “other woman” or “other man” whether they contributed to the downfall of your marriage or not, is actually a major player in your divorce action. Not so, you say? This divorce attorney begs to differ. Here’s my short list of dating pitfalls to avoid during divorce:

  • Do NOT parade around your new significant other as though you are already divorced. And DO NOT bring them to Court under any circumstances.

  • Do NOT spend marital money on your girlfriend/boyfriend.

  • Do NOT allow your girlfriend/boyfriend to contact your spouse whether by phone, text or email.

  • Do NOT allow your girlfriend/boyfriend to parent or discipline your children.Do

  • NOT use your girlfriend/boyfriend to retaliate against your spouse or intentionally hurt them.

  • Do NOT create a profile on dating websites or post to social media.

  • Do NOT lose sight of the fact that your children are your number one priority.

Most people might think it is impossible to avoid at least some of these pitfalls, but my response is that you can minimize if not altogether avoid the points on my short list. Divorce is but a limited event in your life. In fact, New Jersey courts require most divorce cases to be concluded inside of one year. So the time will come when you can start the next chapter of your life the way you want. However, if you cannot exercise some restraint with your new significant other, odds are that your new relationship may be over before your divorce is even concluded. Also consider that your new girlfriend/boyfriend can actually result in restraints on your parenting time or even influence the outcome of custody.

If you are about to file for divorce or are already going through one, we can talk about how to handle your new relationship to prevent it from turning what should be an amicable parting of the ways with your spouse into an emotional warzone.

Call me today at 732-741-2600 to schedule your free 30-minute consultation or visit us on the web at

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